I genuinely feel sick. When I think about the things you have said to me, the ways you have talked to me. When I think about how cruel you have treated me. You started out with a big smile and then you fell into yourselves. You began to show your true colors.
You had me run your whole program and then accuse me of stealing your time and money by putting in my time sheet. You made me feel like I was doing horrible work when I was trying to give you what you asked.
I disclosed my disability to you and you treated me awfully. You said I couldn’t understand you because I am autistic and said horrible things about my mental capacity because you didn’t give me proper instructions to do something and I didn’t understand instantly.
You spoke to me like I was a dog. You were impolite and cruel towards me in person, via email, and on zoom.
You have done things that have been unimaginable. You made me work for you all for long hours into the night and said you wouldn’t pay me for it because I had been stealing your time from you.
You meticulously emailed me waiting for any mistake and when I didn’t make any, you made one up to demote me, admitted you did via text, and then apologized.
I am shaking. I feel like I’m in high school. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t know why ugliness shocks me. Maybe I should be stronger and know ugliness is a part of life. I grew up around ugliness so I don’t know why I never was able to harden my heart to it. All the beatings didn’t make me strong they weakened me. They made me sink. They broke me down. They made me unable to handle abuse.
I am angry because you will all get to laugh and sing and teach the children you worked with and I was just a crazy blip in your life. You wont have to feel any guilt from what you have done because you were just evil, and don’t care. You won’t feel any of it.
This is what hurts the most. Knowing that I had found a job that I loved in a community that loved me and because the community loved me and not you, you sabotaged and tried to destroy me.
You tried to break me. But I can never be broken. I tried to continue working for you but you gaslit me and lied…